I’ve been on a journey to grow closer to Christ — more of awesome Him, less of crappy me. It has made me realize just how much more patient, loving and good God is, than I am.
I’ve been learning some really HARD truths about myself. It has been rough to examine my vulnerabilities and flaws. Surprisingly, however, I’ve found that taking responsibility for my own life and its current path has also taken a giant weight off of my shoulders. It’s really quite exhausting keeping a record of what everyone has done to me to make me the person I am. It’s SO much easier to simply keep track of myself.
Being a Christian doesn’t mean I have to like everything; on the contrary, a transformation by the Holy Spirit makes me NOT to like a lot of things I used to like before I met Christ. Of course, being a Christian does mean that I shouldn’t try to make people feel bad if I don’t like what they happen to like or if I don’t worship how they happen to worship, or if I’m not attracted to what they bring to the table. I don’t have to be all.
Also I have been thinking about my future lately, I really want a Christian home. I want to raise a Christian family. One that goes to church on Sundays, is involved with each other, and prays together at night.I want a spiritual leader. I want that man who prays for me, and I pray for him. I want a man that prays with me. Who smiles because he’s drunk in love with Christ!
I want to know Christ more!!! I want to accept his blessings even the small ones. I want to be able make a mountain out of a mole hill even if there is no dirt or rock to make one with, if my family needs it. I want to stay positive and understanding. I want Christ to make me a better person and help me in my spiritual journey. Because that’s what life is … a journey of grace. God’s grace.
Also I will like to address the issue of suicide, I have been reading a lot about it often in the news and it breaks my heart that people think that suicide is the next or most preferable option. I just want to share this with anyone who is often thinking about suicide or even contemplating one. -THE WORLD WOULDN’T BE A BETTER PLACE WITHOUT YOU!!! So stop making excuses to take your own life, there are so many people out there who love you for you even without meeting you.
Anyone who is among the living has hope. Ecclesiastes 9:4
Take hope! Suicidal thoughts only survive within an outlook of complete hopelessness. Hope through the Bible is the best antidote for hopelessness. God has a wonderful habit of raising individuals out of impossible situations. He enjoys doing it, and it brings Him glory. The Bible is full of stories of people, just like you, that were delivered out of extremely dangerous and potentially embarrassing situations – including His own son, Jesus. You are no different. Reject the guilt and shame, and absorb His love, forgiveness, and hope. You will make it out of this situation! The darkness will not last. That is the real truth, but for it to work, you must see it as truth and believe it. This is where reading, speaking, and meditating God’s promises comes in. They will grow hope and belief in your heart.
There are plenty of other solutions; you just can’t see them now because hopelessness has blinded you to them. Allow the Bible to open your eyes.
You will have to work at it. You will not feel like it. Do it anyway, your life depends on it, and contrary to what you are feeling, YOUR LIFE IS WORTH IT. Suicide is a permanent solution to an intense but short term problem. Don’t do it!
God loves you and will intervene, but you must help him with faith and a changed turn around in your thinking. Start slow, but start.. It does not matter if you feel anything or even believe what you are saying, you will, just DO IT. The ship will slowly start to turn, and turn it will. I LOVE YOU. If you want to chat or talk about how you feel, send me an email, there is a contact form on the bottom left side of this page.
Remember Life is beautiful!!