Phenomenal Woman Series:The Potential Husband


What should a woman look for when deciding on a marriage partner? Many women fall for smooth talkers, men who talk the talk, but fail to walk the walk. These women, spurred on by a desire to be married, are willing to overlook the subtle warning signs many men give off. A lady waiting on God, who values herself, should expect nothing but the best for herself. Sadly, because we have been tainted by what the media shows us, we often are a bit confused about what we need in our lives. Each individual woman, because she has her own individual strengths and weaknesses, will need something different from a husband. Most women, however, have basic things they desire in a mate.

For a Christian woman (Phenomenal Woman), these things should be non-negotiable:

1)Loves Jesus.  A potential husband for every woman should be able to articulate a clear and definite answer on his relationship with Christ, (not the unoffensive “God” or “the universe” or “the spirit world”). He should be able to tell you when he became saved and what being saved means to him (not the name of his church or the date he joined it!!). Yes, it is important that we are “equally yoked,” or on the same page spiritually so that we can raise our kids in faith, together and provide a more stable home.. Remember: you know a tree by the fruit it bears. If he loves Jesus, it will SHOW in his life: his words and his deeds!

2) Must Be Able To Make Wise Decisions. Financially, spiritually, mentally, and emotionally, a husband-worthy mate is at a point in his maturity to make good decisions for his life.  This matters to you because his decisions will clearly spill over into your life. I dont want someone blowing his paycheck on a sports car payment he can’t really afford. Nobody is perfect, but my potential husband should be someone who is at least aware of his past bad decisions and actively taking steps to correct them and make good decisions in the future, as well as encouraging me to do the same.

3) Must Be Spiritually Accountable.  Who does he have in his life that he respects and listens to who keeps him spiritually accountable?   Men who are teachable are the ones who will consistently try to be better people/husbands/fathers and will not let their own pride or arrogance destroy what matters most to them.

4) Must Check Baggage! Everybody has issues, some people even have volumes. Having a past is not necessarily a deal-breaker, but he MUST be completely healed (or well on his way to being healed through God) of all baggage. As Wilson says in Your Knight In Shining Armor, “Beware of a man who has unresolved bitterness, anger, and resentment. It will inevitably bleed into the next relationship. If he has not dealt with his feelings concerning [his past], I will not consider becoming involved with him until he has received counseling to overcome his bad feelings.

Please note, “Must be good looking” is nowhere on this list. That is intentional. Isaiah 53:2 says this about Christ: “He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.”  Jesus Christ, Savior of the world was not physically appealing, but people flocked to Him, travelled miles to be near Him, to hear His voice, to touch the hem of His garment because they knew that His love was the most beautiful thing they would ever experience.  Contrarily, Satan is described in Ezekial 28:11 as “the seal of perfection, full of wisdom and perfect in beauty.”  Need I say more? I judge a man’s beauty by the love he shows for Christ.

Dear Phenomenal Women let’s all seek a man “after God’s own heart” (Acts 13:22). The most important relationship that any of us have is our personal relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ. That relationship comes before all others. If our vertical relationship with the Lord is as it should be, then our horizontal relationships will reflect that reality. Therefore, most especially a potential husband should be a man who has his focus upon walking in obedience to God’s Word and who seeks to live so that his life brings glory to God (1 Corinthians 10:31).


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