Walk in Confidence.

 

Hello everyone, I’m super excited about this write-up not because of the topic but because I can get to write after a long hiatus. It’s almost unbelievable, but I’m so happy God is giving me another opportunity to share his word, to share my inspiration, to speak to someone out there about their confidence. And my deep prayer is at the end of these write-up, may we all become so confident of ourselves in Jesus Christ.

So over time if there is anything that has been a struggle in my life, it’s been confident of myself. From my excerpts from “Why you act the way you do by Tim Lahaye”, I’ve got the Sanguine traits, the talkative lively kind of person. But then from childhood, I’ve always had to struggle with inferiority complex. In the past years while growing up, I’ve always asked myself why I’ve had this issues and one of the big answers I got is because of the fear of the unknown. “we all have fears of which this is true”. We will all have to confront fear from time to time in our daily lives. Fear of the society thoughts about us, fear of fulfilling  our purpose, fear of not being loved and so on. All these are going to be addressed in this write-up.

There is always a point in our lives we just feel a kind of emptiness and loneliness that ends up getting us depressed. We want to live for people’s acceptance, but we forget we may eventually die by their rejection because when the north accepts you, don’t be shocked the south will reject you. This is the point I would say we need God, I mean need him more than ever before. Without further ado, Let’s go deep into few sample questions: How do we overcome fear? How do we deal with uncertainties? How do we become more confident in ourselves?

What is confidence? My own simple term is confidence is when you have the courage to overcome your fears. It is when your faith is activated. It is faith taking a bold step against fear. Confidence is taking courage when you feel afraid. It is not having fears but doing what’s necessary when afraid. The devil has his ways of bringing us down – he reminds us of our pasts, reminds us of the present telling you those things you’re yet to achieve in life, and then reminds us of the future. Even though we know those scriptures like John 10: 10 which says: The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life,and have it to the full.

He’ll still want to instill those fears in you. That moment you quote all the scriptures about God’s promises over your life but then you still end up in a broken state. I’ve been there a whole lot of times. But we should always realize we don’t have to be upset with God because if we can’t handle those challenges/fears, then he wouldn’t bring it our way. We should also bear in mind we can end up being miserable if we try to impress everybody. Most of us try to do this with people – we want their acceptance, we want them to jeer us up, etc and the moment they reject us, we feel probably sad or depressed. How about we come up with words like “I’ve done my best and if you ain’t impressed, How about you take it up to God”. If we all decide to do this, I think the world will be a lot sweeter and better, we just have to come to the point to take the pressure off ourselves. We are not free until “we are free of the need to impress people”.

Don’t get dressed for two hours because you want to impress the world – get dress for Jesus. Look at the mirror and say “Lord, I want to look good for you“. At this point, when someone says something negative, you look at them with a broad smile and say – It’s for Jesus. The feelings that follow is that feeling of satisfaction. Even God will look at you and say “Go Girl”.

– Confidence speaks out the God factor in you without any struggle.

– Confidence always looks forward and backward.

– Confidence always has hope because it’s positive.

– Confidence looks up and not down.

– Confidence maximizes strength. Why do we get so concerned about our weaknesses when the scripture says “His strength is made perfect in our weakness”. That weakness is there to give God the room to keep working in our lives. Even if it’s one strength you got, step out of the boat and maximize the strength in God’s glory. Romans 12: 6-8. Not using these gifts is like disrespecting it.

– Confidence gathers the right people. You don’t want to be around people who keep telling you what’s wrong with you. You got to be with those ones who sees God’s glory in your life and encourage you to keep at it.

Now, let’s talk about the secrets of a confident woman:

  • A confident woman knows that she is loved (Ephesians 3:17) => Everybody wants unconditional love, we want friends that knows our weaknesses and accepts us for who we are forgetting we ain’t gonna see that kind of love anywhere. We forget everything we need in life is from God. Yes, absolutely everything.His word says “His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.” 2 Peter 1:3. God is the only true definition of Love. I don’t write to please people so if this is offensive, you got no choice to manipulate my opinion. I say this from my personal experience. God loves you, the love of God is the healing balm for everything we do in life. His love is not conditional, he is not a man who hates us and rejects us for our wrong doings. He hates sin, but he still deals with it in our lives. And so therefore, you got to know that you know that God loves you and he’ll never stop loving you no matter what you do. Isaiah 49: 15 says -“Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! So feel loved with your complexion, stature, scars, etc. Being loved let you be confident to step out boldly, talk boldly, try new things, and explore the world God has given us. Our troubles, storms, challenges shouldn’t determine God’s love for us. Be rooted in his Love, nothing else should never ever take the love of God from us.
  • A confident woman refuses to live in fear (Hebrews 10:38) => Anytime I’m about to try something new, I must confess I’m always scared and a lot of people feel that same way but the difference between a confident woman and a non-confident is that boldness to face your fears and get over it. The moment we get over it, it takes us a step higher than a non-confident woman. Fear of being loved, fear of failure, fear of being mocked – all this has stopped us a way in getting closer to our dreams. If you fail, try again. Never let fear rule your life.
  • A confident woman has a positive attitude => At this point, I remember a time I had some issues at my workplace twice. The first time, I was all shaky and allowed the devil fill my head with negative thoughts but the second time. I said No, I spoke to myself about how special I am to God. With tears, I spoke to myself and said –  Oh girl, you got a bright future in God. I started declaring positive things into my life. I said God, you’re taking me to a high place, just let your will be done. This is because I drowned myself in his word and kept reminding myself about the power in his word.  Confidence and negativity are like oil and water, they just can’t mix. Being negative is a choice and not a feeling. The power to be happy lies in your hands. You can listen to sermons and tapes, read the bible, read every inspirational book, seek a counselor but NOBODY got the power to make you positive except you. It might be a struggle for you, but only you got that choice. You can tell a close friend that any time you hear me say negative things – confront me and shoot it out of my head. Put up signs all over your house and workplace that says BE POSITIVE.
  • A confident woman recovers from setbacks => She refuses to live in pity. Setbacks are not failures, they are meant to make us stronger and begin again. Did you lose your job? Did you get a heart break? Tell yourself I’m doing this again, don’t let people come around and fill a bucket with their tears. I had an accident some years ago that got me some scars and then some people would be like awwww, it disfigured my legs or something and even offered advise of a plastic surgery but I said NO, This is a temporal body, my reign with christ gives me a brand new body. After all, this body will decay. From the hospital bed, I didn’t give up on my dreams of going to the university – I went to the jamb hall, lot of eyes were on me but I didn’t let it bother me. Here I am today – The apple of God’s eyes.         You see, you just have to come to that point that you fill every cell of your body with positive thoughts. You glorify God with his scriptures and personalize it into your life. Avoid words like “I can’t”, “I’m not up to it”, etc. I dare you to be so positive that you drive the NEGATIVE PEOPLE AROUND YOU CRAZY. Look into the mirror every day, give a broad smile to yourself, call your name and declare the positive things of God into your life. Say words like “I can do this”, “I’m a woman of God”, “Through him, it’s possible”. Nobody else got that except you dear.
  • A confident woman avoids comparisons: The bible says thou shall not covet. Don’t want their house, their talent, their car. He has made you unique and you got that freedom when you know who you are in christ. You’re gifted, you got grace that covers you. The moment you try to do things you aren’t called for – the moment your joy decreases. It’s just like a 5 years old boy who wants to carry a gallon of water that only an adult can carry. He’ll end up not happy and maybe even cry at his first attempt to lift it. This is what happens when we compare ourselves to others and want to live their lives according to their standards. It makes us live a lie that displeases our soul. Stop wanting what somebody else has.           Oh, I’m meant to be promoted, I want that contract. STOP IT. If it was meant for you, God will give you. Stop living in miseries because of your comparisons. It leads you into sin. Because of this attitude, some of us have been doing things God is not protecting. Then, we end up lamenting God doesn’t love us. We should realize the devil sometimes use this to distract us from God’s purpose for our lives. He won’t put his feet into what he hasn’t called you to do. Follow your own dreams and vision.In the process of doing what God wants you to do, you’ll drive those people you want to impress crazy.
  • A confident woman takes action: She takes initiative, she’s aggressive and not passive. Stop talking about the problem, bring a solution about the problem. Don’t be a problem, Be a solution.
  • A confident woman does not live in “if only” and “what if”. Examples like: –
  1. If only I wasn’t abused.
  2. If only I had more education.
  3. If only I wasn’t from a broken home
  4. If only I had more money.
  5. If only I wasn’t single.
  6. If only I had more friends.
  7. If only I have someone to help me – God is the helper dear.

It’s time you rise up and be that person God wants you to be. He’s got an exciting future you. Rise above your fears, Rise above your doubts. Step out of your comfortable zone. It’s time to stop waiting for something else – a prophesy, a word, one more angel, one more confirmation. It’s time to start fulfilling purpose and doing what God wants you to be. Remain #Komplete in Christ. Have a lovely weekend.

 

 

 

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Should you lose your value in the name of love? Hell No!!!

tumblr_lchszvc3uk1qajjdco1_400I know this post title really sounds so aggressive like I’m in a vexing mode. Well, I think I’m a little angry. My heart bleeds so much when I see people misplacing their values all in the name of LOVE. During the university days, I’ve heard of boyfriends (permit me to use this please) beating a girlfriend. I mean wake up Lady, God loves you so much even before you were born, right before you were given that name.

he loves you before you cooked up lies that looks like an amazing story
he loves you even though you didn’t bring that baby to the world
oh dear, he still loves even after you’ve said terrible things about him.
he loves you before you broke the hymen and he still loves you after.

Most women have absolutely no idea how valuable or powerful they really are. There is a corrosive epidemic of low self esteem in our culture that is setting a tone for relationships that range from lack luster to downright dangerous. We have a tendency to want to explain it. It was our childhood. It was our college boyfriend. It is our weight or social status. That said; explanations don’t save us. Those stories, old and outdated keep us tied to broken self identities that fail us over and over again.

If you get face to face with any real man and ask him what he thinks sexy is, he will say a confident woman is always sexy. Every sex symbol through the years has exuded some form of magical confidence. A woman without confidence is lacking, empty, and wrinkled up inside. She is longing for any attention and will take it where she can get it from anyone, healthy or unhealthy, real or fake. This is a recipe for disaster. Unfortunately for most women, they never find their power, and the absence of that power leaves a legacy of failed relationships and pain that spans years or decades. Just by being born female, you were gifted with a magic that makes the world go round. Failing to own that simple truth creates women who lack confidence, and settle for relationships that are far beneath them.
When it comes to romantic relationships there is one simple truth. We get exactly what we are willing to settle for. Whatever you have going on in your relationship, or not going on for that matter, is something you are settling for. Women set the bar in their romantic relationships. They have all the power, until they start to give it up. If you think you can’t do any better, you are absolutely right. If you think you deserve to be treated like a Goddess, you are also absolutely right – and you will be.

Love-Me-When-I-Least-Deserve-It

Oh, I’m almost close to tears as I write. This is because it pains me a lot when we refuse to open our eyes to see how much God loves us and therefore pave way for a fellow human to maltreat us.

John 3:16 tells us how much he loved you and gave his only son for you

Where is the value? Where is the self-worth? Why do many of us tend to live much of our lives feeling rejected, unloved, unnoticed and unrecognized by others and even God. I think it’s high time we stop seeking for attention and focus more on God. When it comes to romantic relationship, we should note the following:

1. The quality of all relationships are inevitably tied to our level of self worth.

2. We get what we are willing to settle for in all areas of our lives, especially relationship.

3. Confidence is the single most sexy quality and a very powerful place of attraction.

4. Getting the relationship of your dreams is an inside job. It’s never about another   person.

5. Real men are amazing. Real men want to make their women really happy.

6. A happy woman is very pleasant to be around.

Don’t feel intimidated by peer pressure? Flee from every relationship that contributes to a diminishing you. God at his very own time will bring the one who deserves you, who will treat you right, and together – you’ll raise a divine generation , you’ll be focused on making heaven. God’s desire is to get us to the place of never measuring ourselves by external measuring sticks. Our identities are not in what we do for God but according to the lavish love He has provided and we have chosen to reciprocate back to Him. We are His and He is ours. This identity was enough for Jesus and it will similarly meet the needs of our hearts as well.

The relationship of your dreams is an inside job. It’s inside you, and no one else. At first glance that reality might seem overwhelming. At second glance, it’s the keys to the gate that sets you free for the rest of your life. When you are willing to recognize that no one other person is more important than your own happiness, you are home free. At that point you can have any relationship you chose to create. Until then, it’s any one’s guess.

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I pray that we may all re-evaluate our relationships. I hope we continue to bask in God’s love. Let us not misplace values. It is better to consider now than to regret later. Remember you can always send in your stories, prayer request. #GPP

Reasons Why Many Christian Girls Remain Single

Lack-of-Sleep

In 2012, I was invited to be a member of a panel at a Christian singles conference. After speaking about living a purposeful life, and remaining pure in singleness, the topic of marriage invariably came up. A woman stood up and started pouring out her heart about how she desired a husband. How she was in her late thirties and did not want to be alone anymore. She said that she was on the verge of ‘settling’!

In an attempt to comfort her, an older woman whom we will call Sarah stood up and proclaimed that she was single at 60 AND had never married. Sarah started to encourage the younger lady. She said, look at me, I am 60 and not married but I will not settle. I want what God wants for me and will not settle for less. I have had many counterfeit men come into my life. Sarah then went ahead and started to rattle off about the men that had been potential suitors and what was wrong with them. As she spoke, somethings that seemingly escaped her started to become clear to those of us on the panel. She was to blame for being single at 60.

Here are some of the things we realized about Sarah that kept her single.

Sarah wanted Jesus…not a disciple of Jesus…but Jesus Himself

Many women, like Sarah are looking for the perfect mate. They want someone who is going to complete them and be their everything! If this is you, then my question to you is this: If a man completes you and becomes your everything, then what position is Jesus taking in your life? Jesus is the one that completes you and is meant to be your everything. So, to look for completeness in a man is to make that man an idol in your life, it is to have put man above God! This will only lead to ruin because no man is perfect! Try as he might, he will disappoint you! So stop looking for someone who will not disappoint you over the lifetime you wish to be married…you will not find it. Even you, yes you…have and still disappoint many people…whether you realize it or not…whether you meant it or not. Instead of looking for perfection, look for someone who is striving towards perfection. This is a person that loves God and does not want to be conformed to the world but whose life’s purpose is to be transformed into the image of Jesus.

As my mom says, if you meet a person who is perfect, run away, for you will make imperfect whatever is making that person seem perfect.

Sarah saw herself as a princess, but she did not care to prince her man

There are many women who see themselves as awesome and incredible royalty. Many women say, I want to be treated like a princess! The issue is that they do not want their man to be a prince. They do not want to share any power or give up any control. Instead, they want their partners to take the position of a slave while treating them like a princess. The reason many women cannot let go of control is because of fear – perhaps due to not dealing with the hurts of past relationships. The moment the man does not give her the power she craves, she takes it as he not treating her like a princess and so searches for greener pastures. Conversely, many men see that while they are giving all they have, the woman is not following suit! Many women think that this is part of being pursued; many men simply see it as being disrespectful.

As a princess, you have to make sure you prince your man. Compliment him and let him know that you appreciate that he is being led by the King. Let go of the control. Taking a chance at love means you take a chance with your heart. This is because only the heart can feel love, not your head.

Sarah liked being pursued but did not want to be caught

In the bible, the servant of Abraham went to a land far away in pursuit of a wife for Isaac. When he got there, it was Rebekah that came to the well. When he approached, she did not play games and dilly-dally. No, she said that she would not wait as her family had requested but would follow Eliezer immediately back to Isaac. When Boaz pursued Ruth, Ruth decided to show her interest by laying at his feet. See, both Rebekah and Ruth showed interest. They did not play games or play hard to get.

Ladies, if a prince has found you, then admit it and go forward as long as you have God’s blessing. I am not saying be easy, but at the same time, do not be hard to get. Just as you are a gift to him, he is also a gift to you! If a man is pursing you, do not run him away with games.

Sarah was way too picky

Sarah did not want God to decide whom she should marry but decided on who she wanted to marry. In essence, she said: God, forget about who you desire for me, this is the person I want to marry…now make it happen! It was no longer God’s will for her life but her will for her life!

But does God not want to give us the desires of our heart? Yes…as long as it glorifies God. In fact, the scripture says: delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires. As you delight yourself in the Lord, you will find that His desires become your desire…thus your desire will glorify God!

You must believe right now that what God wants for you is better than what you could ever want for yourself in the long run. If he is not giving you your hearts desires, it may be because you are not ready to handle your heart’s desire. It may be because what you desire is not desirable!

Sarah wanted Boaz but wanted to remain a Delilah

Do not be like Sarah! Every potential suitor she met had some flaw that was fatal. One could not provide. Another could provide but was not attractive enough. A third was attractive and could provide but did not pay her enough attention. Yet, another paid her too much attention. She forgot that she was filled with flaws herself! She was so busy finding fault with everyone that she had no time to look at herself. She was so busy trying to find the speck in someone else’ life that she forgot that the log in her eyes was blinding her vision of the truth about herself. The truth that just like everyone else, she is imperfect and needs a savior as well!

Sarah could not understand why the one’s she thought were ‘perfect’ for her were not interested. Sarah, perhaps it is because they are not willing to ‘settle’ either.

I thank God that he did not wait for us to be perfect but settled for us. He wants us to settle for nothing less than Himself. This means that we have to take the reins off our own lives and surrender completely to His will. It seemed that Joseph settled for Mary when He married a pregnant girl…but He became immortalized in history because of it. Are you willing to settle for God’s best for you?

Culled from SuperChamps

Battered but Restored- Narrative Non-fiction Story by Adekemi Adeniyan

 

Let me introduce myself. My name is Harmony, and I am 29 years old.

And this is my story… Maybe you can relate to it, maybe it’s happened to you, maybe you know someone who has gone through this, or maybe you can’t relate but just want to read it to know how it feels.

It was July, my favorite month of the year, it always reminded me that I was growing into the world of womanhood as the day goes by; my 15th birthday was just 2weeks away. I was excited as always. My Mum had filled my ears over two months about how my 15th birthday will be spent with my Aunty in Michigan. As young as I was, I had always dreamt of leaving the shores of Lagos, if just for a day so I could boast to my friends that I too could go to Oyinbo(White) man’s land.

The D-day came and Mother and I were late for our flight, I had spent so much time daydreaming in the bathroom that I lost track of time and mother wouldn’t let me get over the fact that she would deal with me. Typical Nigerian Mothers. Traffic was very heavy now and airport was just few yards away but there was no way mother would leave her car along the way while we walked the rest.  I broke into a sigh of relief as the cars in front of ours moved away; I watched my mum speed along the road, checking her time every thirty seconds. We made it right on time. Once inside the plane we searched for our seat, I was so filled with excitement of getting on a plane that it wouldn’t matter if mum told us to pack up and go home. This feeling was exactly what I needed.

Now….snapping out of the excitement of the Departure and Arrival! Let me go straight to why my tears won’t stop staining this paper as I scribble on it. Sad, you may ask? No I am not. When I just look back at the tale of my life all that comes out are tears of joy because a broken vessel like me can hold the best water for the thirsty.

Now let’s get to it. Mum had urgently been called back to work in Nigeria, while I was to spend the last days of my summer holidays with Aunty Wemmy and her family in Michigan. Those remaining days brought an eventful turn around that would change my life forever.

I was exactly 15yrs when the nightmare began. He was 43 and family. . He came into my room in the middle of the night. I was the only girl in the house besides my aunty, so I didn’t share a room with anyone.  I thought I was safe, he was family, my Moms brother in law, he was older, and married. He just seemed like the “cool” Uncle. At 15 I had no idea that those things weren’t enough to keep me safe. I didn’t know I should be worried, and no one else did either.  I was in their home after all, which meant he basically had full access to me whenever he wanted. He made me touch him, while he put a knife down my throat just in case I decided to shout. I hated it, I wanted to throw up but in that instant I realized there was nothing I could do to stop what was happening. He was simply too strong.

He took away my dignity in one night. When I look back, I think how I could have been so stupid? I could’ve yelled. He wouldn’t have slit my throat. My aunty would’ve heard or one of my cousins, but I didn’t. He raped me that night and disgustingly told me that he could have me anytime he wanted. I knew this was true. I thought I was going to die that night, it hurt so badly.  At that moment the world stopped moving, everything became move less and dead. I became vacant inside, something had left me. Virtue had walked right out of me.  I had checked out.  I was consciously unconscious. When he stopped, all my tears came out, I was crying for my lost “life, self and emotions’

My virginity was never up for grabs; it was mine to choose to share with another.

All I remember about the hours that followed was me standing in the shower, sobbing uncontrollably, desperately wanting the water to wash away the blood, evening’s events and my shame

WHY WON’T THIS DARKNESS GO AWAY? WHY WON’T THIS DARKNESS FALL BEHIND ME?

They say there is a light at the end of the tunnel. What light can be behind this soullessness that just crept into my life?

I watched my uncle the next day live his life like nothing happened; he was such of a perfect husband and father.  He obviously ACTED like he had no idea that what he did was wrong, it just came so easily to him, and so the chances were he had done it to someone else or several someones before. I was full of resentment and disgust. I wanted to scream and shout it out but I didn’t want to be the Nigerian girl who came all the way to America to break her Aunty’s home. I was worried she couldn’t handle it, that my entire family would fall apart.  Where I come from, family is everything even if you have to shut your mouth and swallow your tongue.

I never told ANYONE, but I wanted to. I kept it a secret; I was a virgin and did not want to believe I had lost my virginity that way.

When I arrived back in Nigeria, I had to act all happy and pretend to have enjoyed every little bit of my Vacation. Two months later I started getting bad grades in school. My mum was convinced that sending me on holiday had hindered my zeal to study. I struggled daily. I was determined to make my Mother proud; ever since my Dad passed away she had done her best so I could have the best and enjoy the best. I started keeping a diary; I had read somewhere that it helps to have somewhere to pour it all out. I spent sleepless night venting out my disgust and hatred for a certain Mr. X  I was careful to use a coded name for Mr. Ugochukwu (my Aunt’s husband) just in case someone other than me finds the diary.

It didn’t help. I had trouble with depression, anger, anxiety, and insomnia. It was a constant battle between self-worth and finding me.  It was ok for me to feel this, after all I was physically hurt, I was mentally scarred, I was emotionally battered.

I struggled for 5 more years, after which my mum passed away and it was ok to cut myself off from my aunt and her family. I wanted to rid myself off of anything that brought back the memories. I had a long road ahead of me, I tried to be aware of my feelings, acknowledge, validate them, deal with them and move on. I hated men, I couldn’t trust any man. Slowly I waited for when and how to trust men again (maybe…hopefully).

Six months after I turned 25, I moved to Ghana.  Then I met Christ. It felt like all the emptiness and brokenness I felt melted off in seconds. I started living life similar to the way it was meant to be, void of self-loath and condemnation.  Maybe it was time for love to find me and me it.  It felt like the plague of inadequacy like a broken drum crept off.  I “officially” accepted Jesus into my heart and life.

 

I felt restored! But God knew I needed to know something,  I needed to EXPERIENCE one more thing…..

On this faithful Sunday, I was all dressed up to go to my New church where I had actively become a worker and was overly zealous to work for God. We had been told that new pastors from America were being transferred to shepherd the church. It was an Ordination service! To my Surprise our New Pastors were Pst Ugochuckwu and Wemimo Douglas. Oh yes! It felt like the devil just threw a million stones in my glass house, everything crumbled at once. How someone so filthy could find God and become ordained as a non-stipendiary minister of the Church is alarming to me? I even, to my shame, had to watch as the whole congregation jumped at the excitement of their new pastors.  After Service, my Aunt was so happy to reconnect with me; she couldn’t understand why I had cut myself off from her family. I cooked up series of lies about losing numbers and contacts and moving here and there. Knowing her, she easily believed me.

I went home filled with self-pity and anger. I was angry at God for playing such a trick on me. I could no longer keep silent about it. One week later, I confronted my so called ”New Pastor” and he immediately asked for forgiveness.  I didn’t think it was ok for me to forgive this act of cruelty to anyone! I was convinced that no one was designed to forgive that kind of cruelty. Not even if they are your Pastor. After so much pressure from him, I agreed. The matter was swiftly closed.

True forgiveness or so it seemed at the time. However, it was only skin deep. What I never knew was that my ability to forgive evaporated that very night 10yrs ago when he stole my virtue, or that was what I thought. Everything about me started to change yet again, I became erratic and inconsistent. I was often emotional and sad for no reason at all.  I was often trying to explain to God that it was my reaction to being raped by a minister who had yet again intruded in my life, and that all I was suffering from was a syndrome called “Silent Rage’.

The feeling of worthlessness lingered weeks after weeks. I remember waking up one night feeling empty, suicidal and frustrated. I realized I had spent most of my life blaming God, or questioning Him, asking why all this had happened to me. I knew God existed, but I wasn’t sure of my own existence anymore. I was lost. I thought I had met with Peace a few months back, but I realized I had only met what I imagined God’s Peace to be. I knew at that moment that I wanted to experience God himself.  I asked God to make Himself real to me. So for the first time in years I went on my knees alone in my apartment and asked God to help me. The only words I could find was just-‘God help me”.  After a few minutes I remember sensing such love and peace, there was a feeling of being wrapped in a warm blanket on a cold snowy night.  All I knew was this: that night right in my very room I was touched by his love, it felt  absolutely great and I don’t  remember feeling so much peace like that ever before. And I knew it was real. No Counseling, No Medication, No friend had ever made me feel this free and alive. I knew it was real. I should have done that several years ago when I suffered through the hurt! But I figured that I had done everything else possible, all those years I forgot about the only person who could give me the answers. Nothing else had worked, but I had never thought of including God. Ever since that night, my life turned around completely, because when you encounter the love of God you are never the same!

The next morning I drove down to my Pastor’s home, the same one who I couldn’t forgive a day before. It was time to let it all go. The words God put in my mouth then were so comforting, even for me. I remember saying this to him- “I have forgiven how and why you hurt and abused me. It took me a long time to discover that forgiving you is the only thing that would set me free from the pain and devastation of the memories. It took the help of God to get me out of it, he was waiting all these while to help me forgive you, waiting for me to be ready — ready to be set completely free and be made whole.” That morning I watched my uncle and pastor weep like a child. I no longer saw a rapist in him, but the new man Christ had made him. I wasn’t Battered anymore, I was Restored.

Let me say something before ending this… Forgiving those who hurt you makes no sense whatsoever, I realize. Humanly speaking, they don’t deserve forgiveness, right. But, please do not waste another  secs, days, weeks, months and years suffering as a result of what someone else has done to you that has so messed up your  entire life. Choose forgiveness and shut out every emotional cancer. We don’t have the ability to do that by ourselves, only God can. He will be right there with you to give you the courage and strength to do it.

I’m just another woman; I’m not ashamed to tell my story. I was raped, battered and wounded. But I don’t live in the past anymore, I am in the present. To everyone who chose to read my story today, I do hope you realize that can overcome anything in their life, as nothing is hopeless! Whatever you have gone through, or may be facing right now, you can get through it just like I did. You should not and do not have to let the past hold you in its painful claws. You are not a Victim but Victorious. You are not BATTERED, YOU ARE RESTORED.